Getaway

Wishful thinking.

I've been thinking that maybe it's a good idea that I take a vacation. Although I would like to go somewhere exotic and far away, I'm afraid that just won't happen unless all of a sudden I win the lottery, win some fantasy vacation, or find me a rich sugar-daddy. None of those are probable but still I feel like I need to get away from all of this for a good week or so. Heck, a weekend would do but a week would be much nicer.

By the end of this month I will be here six months and with that come my two-week vacation time. I am so tempted to use it right away because I don't know how much longer or if I will be here to enjoy it and take it off and I would hate it to go to waste. I want to go to New York City. It seems like I'm one of those few that has never been there. I hear that it's a lot of fun and would like to visit very soon. I would like to do it late this summer. I need to find someone who I trust to go along with me to not feel so lonely and share expenses as I hear it is pricey there. If not I'll go alone.

Not so far away is my grandfather's birthday. In June if I'm not mistaken, he will be turning the big 8-0 and I want to be there for that. It's in a small city called Eagle Pass that I haven't been to in years, about five to be exact, and although it would be nice to see my family, I know I will get very bored there and very fast. I just have to look at it on the bright side. There has to be something there that I can try. Maybe I can go practice my driving skills.

I'm 24 and I don't have much driving experience because if you don't know, I suffer from severy anxiety and panic attacks and that gets to me and has crippled a lot of opportunities and activies I could have done and gotten myself involved with. It is less crowded there and I could do that and bond with family. I feel so lonely.

So it's up in the air, but I need to get away as fast as I can. At this point it doesn't matter where, just somewhere different.

I'm No Good

I'm currently totally in love with Amy Winehouse. I just can't get my fix of her. (no pun intended)

All the crap aside, we know about all of her issues and woes with drugs, alcohol and bulimia. She's married to another junkie and goes on drug and alcohol binges. It seems that she's known mostly for that and the irony that her major hit is a song about her refusing to go to rehab and then actually being there.

Call me Johnny-Come-Lately. I've caught on to the Amy Winehouse craze just recently and I just can't get enough of her. I search the net for pictures and gossip about her. One of the places I like to stop by quite frequently is the Perez Hilton website. He has all the juicy gossip about Amy and other celebrities. Included in there are many stories about Amy and pictures of her high out of her mind and walking through the streets of London in bloody slippers very distraught.

What is it about her that attracts me so much?

Am I the only one that finds this woman just gorgeous? I sometimes think so. When I ask people what they think of Mrs. Winehouse all I seem to get are looks of disgust and the "Ew". It's my aesthetic. I like the frail and damaged/broken look. Although she's not healthy, I would still like her no matter how she looks. She's got style with those ballerina slip ons, the beehive hair, and the elongated eyelashes. Of course, her best attribute is one that you can't see, but hear and feel: her voice.





I've dedicated a wall of my cubicle to Amy. I've posted pictures of her and people who walk by stop and stare at it and acknowledge how much they like her music but are not so much captivated by her.

Seeing her win a whopping 5 Grammys this past Sunday made me shiver. Her reaction to winning was so genuine and for a few seconds, while she stood there in awe, I saw that fragile girl that doesn't want to be that way and is troubled. I associate with her music. Not that I need to go to rehab (just yet) or I don't cheat as she sings about in I'm No Good, but I feel that way. She killed it. The performance was awesome. Great eye contact. It was fierce.




I feel like I'm not good. I told you I was trouble.

I hope she gets better. I wish her the best of luck and with time I think she will become an icon. How could you not love her!

More Than I Can Chew

Working with a bunch of women can be very hard sometimes. That is currently the situation I'm in. I love my coworkers, mostly women, but sometimes they tend to get a bit "fussy" "irritable" for a lack of a better term.

They all get along well for the most part. Actually they all do but it's during days like these where we are put through a lot of stress, that they tend to get on each other's nerves and snap at one another. I just happen to be stuck in the middle of it and I try to tune it out by listening to the radio, but they are just too much for me right now. There are only three guys in my team of about 20. One is an older man who can't hear very well so he doesn't get bothered by it. You have to scream at him to get his attention most of the time. The other guy is very laid back and always keeps his cool.

Then there's me. I am good most of the time as far as emotionally stable in the workplace. I have my problems and issues here and there occassionally for I always seem to keep it cool when I'm here. The rest of the time I have to take some little pills to help me keep the edge off.

It's just that recently the newspaper business is not doing so well. The economy is down and sales and revenue are down so that eventually leads to lay-offs and that's the problem right now. We've been aware of this for about a month but have been stuck in limbo since then. All the signs point to no but we know it's coming and everyone is stressed about it. As you may have heard already, The Los Angeles Times will be letting as many as 150 people go because they are trying to make cut backs and turn the ship around. I get that's the feeling around here too and although I don't want it too, change is inevitable.

I've been applying here and there within the company and eventually I hope to get placed somewhere but that will mean that I'll go upstairs with all the snotty people. It's vicious up there and the attitude just runs rampant. I have a feeling that we, the displaced, will be their little bitches for a while because although we will be the same, they don't know how to do our work. It's complicated.

Anyhow, I am feeling a little bit better now that I am venting all of this out. It's frustrating and I just want to go home. It's all about taking it one thing at a time. I just have to remember that and practice it.

Don't bite off anymore than you can chew.

So Overrated

I walked into the lobby of my place of work to find a botanical garden had grown there overnight. The place was filled with all types of flower arrangements delivered and not yet distributed to their recipients. The women gasped over how beautiful they were and I couldn't help but want to vomit.

A friend text messaged me and told me how sad she was because she would be spending her time alone while her husband was working and how he never pays attention to her. I told her to get over it and she replied in a very offended mood and told me that she is a woman and women care more about these things. She should already know by now that her husband is the worst when it comes to these things and well honestly, goesn't give a damn. Still she insists that she wants his attention today when the man is working to pay the bills because he MUST. You just can't have your cake and eat it too.

I have never celebrated Valentine's day because I've never been in a relationship during this much overrated holiday. By the way, let me tell you now that I am a homosexual male. I think it's just made up by the companies to sell cards and candy and flowers. Tomorrow, when all this is over, the people will go back to their sad little lives, lonely, some not all, and live the lives they were living before today. And the flowers will wither away and the pounds pack on from all the candy and still everything will remain the same. That dozen of roses didn't change a damn thing but only show off to your friends and coworkers that you have someone.

Who even invented Valentine's day? It's not like there was a huge even in which something heroic, tragic, or meaningful happened to have made this a holiday. Who proclaimed: "Hear ye, hear ye. Today is Valentine's day."?

It's my dad's birthday. It's the day in which he was born some fifty years ago and well today I came to work without wishing him a happy birthday. See, the thing about me is that I don't take these things too seriously like a lot of others do. To me saying "Happy birthday" doesn't mean a darn thing. I feel it's just something you must say because it's become tradition to. I equate this to the everyday "Good morning". People don't really care if you do or not. It's just a custom to say so and no longer has meaning.

I love my dad so much but we don't have the best of relationships. We get along well and all. It's just that we are so different and sometimes I feel like I didn't come out the way that he expected and wanted me to. Sometimes I wonder if he wishes he'd never had me. I don't have money to buy him anything. Luckily, tomorrow is pay day and I plan to take him out to dinner at this seafood place he's always wanted to go but never has.

This place is actually not bad at all. I still dont' know how to look for others but hey if you know how to or if you want me to read your blogs let me know! I like to look into others' lives and I'm not sure this works like Myspace where you can subscribe and all of that but I thought I'd ask for some help.

It was expected.

What else could we have expected from tonight's project runway elimination. I had a feeling they would give a fourth designer a second chance to redeem himself. Poor Sweet P. That hag just barely missed out! I did like her dress but she should have been gone ages ago. Rami is a hunk and I'm torn between him and Chris March because what Chris lacks in looks, he has with personality, wit, and humor.

I left myspace and their blogs because I think Myspace overall is overrated and sort of childish. Everyone has a page and everyone adds and becomes "friends" like if they actually knew each other. And go you go out and actually see one of those people and you try to avoid them as much as you can defeating the purpose of trying to establish a connection amongst these so called friends. What a crock of shit. Not to mention the pages are tacky, except mine of course. Mine was always cool and had a theme to it but people are just so stupid they don't appreciate good things when they see them.

So I am here and I don't know how this works or how people are supposed to find me or how I can search but I'll give it a try. I can't tell you what I write about because some days it's about my rage against a model being cut from ANTM, or a night out in the town, or even an emotional breakdown that I've just had over no apparent reason. I get like that sometimes. It's complicated and I like it.

Enough said.

All I will say for now is that I am a male of 24 years of young age and I like a lot of things. Right now I'm not sure what I'm into because I've been having a mild case of the blues and trying to keep my mind from having these bad thoughts that come to me. But don't worry! I'm funny. I think I am funny and that's good enough for me. Hopefully you will laugh but I don't promise anything.

My return to blogging was expected and so was tonights episode of Project Runway which had a very ugly Roberto Cavalli as a guest judge. The man could hardly move because had he, his skin would have torn apart revealing parts of his skull. That's a fashion icon?

I hated Rami's dress. We get it, you're from Jerusalem and you know how to drape! We see and hear that shit on every episode. It's just, well not really, as bad as Ricky and constant fairy crying. Sweet P's was well, sweet. It was cute but like Rami, can't get away from that concert of short cute mini dresses. Now Chris did copy that design he and Christian collaborated with in an earlier episode but it was still stunning. For that I think he should have given him the third spot but I think they felt that maybe they don't believe in him too much and think it would be a waste to let Rami go so why not give it a try.

From the beginning it was sure that Christian and Jillian would be in the top three. I had them two and perhaps Rami as the third and it's pretty much turned out that way. Christian is a hoot and a half and not to mention quite skilled and creative at what he does and sometimes I think that his work looks a bit too much like Alexander Mcqueen and should try to step away from that considering that he did work for McQueen. In other words, step it up a notch on the fierceness bitch and work it!

I've seen the collections. I just can't wait to see the drama leading up to those five minutes of having their work walked on the runway.

Oh and no, I'm not a fashion expert but I do know good and talent when I see it and that is just as good for me.

Welcome to my blog. If you like gossip, TV, music, random musing, happy and sad things about my life, a poem here or there, or just videos I think are funny, then subscribe and check me out.

It's like a little party bag and you're about to reach in it and don't know which candy you'll pull out.

It's the blog you shouldn't read, but you know you will.

More about me later.